News, Turn 12

Mission Progress Report

Mission Progress, 1st June 2650 00:00:00 SHIP TIME

  • Earth time 14/06/2650 08:01:20 ZULU
  • Mission time elapsed 599 years, 171 days Ship relative
  • Current Acceleration: -0.00033200 m/s2
  • Velocity: 0.0192c Earth relative
  • Fuel: 46.0%
  • All systems are operating under revised expectations.


  • Current distance components (drivewards/contra-axial): 4.7 / 132.0 AU
  • Current velocity components, star relative (drivewards/contra-axial): 5.77e+06 / 9.36e-01 m/s
  • Current acceleration components, star relative (drivewards/contra-axial): -3.32e-04 / 6.77e-07 m/s2

Note: ACTP active to faciliate execution of landing protocol. Landing protocol remains active until the point of technical infeasibility or until cancelled by the Captain.

The Referendum

The final date of the vote is set to two days after the NGF final. This leaves a week to get any engineering work done before the point of no return is reached. Anybody who’s anybody in Harmony is producing their own particular take on the question of the moment.

Perhaps mostly widely referenced was the work of Amandine de Bouillon, an hour long informative piece with interviews from the most well respected voices in Navigation and Engineering describing the options on the table. The likely success of landing now versus continuing to the destination, how the ship can be split into separate toroids that can go their own ways and the things that can go wrong. Overall the work provides a lot of information, though with no apparent slant. Perhaps the most interesting interview was a session with Computer, which stated that splitting the ship would significantly increase the chances for the survival of Humanity assuming that it could be pulled off without damage and the crew were able to manage the emergency deceleration protocols. When asked how easy that would be, Computer stated that the answer was indeterminate, but represented a significant risk.

Meanwhile Nikki Rainbow conducts a series of “real world” interviews with everyday people from across the ship. It seems that a broad majority of people believe that landing is a bad idea. Particularly notable quotes include:

  • ”Computer said it didn’t want to be cut in half. So don’t cut it in half!” — Alice, Navigation.
  • ”Morning is dead right. We shouldn’t abandon our unenlightened neighbours to a protracted death above a dead world.” — Beatrice, Engineering
  • ”And thats when the damn recycling goons just breezed in and started marking everything as ejectionable material. That’s what really settled it for me. Even dear Berty’s prize collection of sheared BOB nuts! I tell you, if we go through this deceleration we’re all going to be paupers!” – Mary Blue, Engineering.
  • ”And that’s when we totally start shooting stuff through the damn ITTS man. Bam. Bam. Bam. It’s going to be so fucking cool.” — Gerard, an apparently somewhat spaced out Engineer.
  • ”They say that Toroid 6 will run everything on half the ship after the split. How can we trust those people?” — Terrance Rainbow, Bartender.
  • ”Computer may be willing to make that sacrifice for us, but I’m not sure anyone who would ask that sacrifice be made unnecessarily is deserving of it.” — unattributed, sentiment oft repeated by Friends of Computer.
  • ”It’s what they want. The crazed worshippers of the Machine will blindly push through their Alien Extremist Agenda. They want to keep us in this prison of our own making. There is no other destination. That’s just one of their lies we must listen to as we continue as their lab rats!” — Davros Jones, on a line from his bunker somewhere deep in Blackout.
  • ”Disorder. Famine. Civil War. Death. Failure. Extinction. We cannot allow this to happen. We must not let this happen. Friends, I will see you on the barricades!” — David Helier, Unionised Church of Computer.
  • ”Yeah, everything’s got to go marm, even the bed. We need every ounce of metallic material we can get for the deceleration. Please marm, stop obstructing us. OK, call in Piers. Oh, now you’re getting all compliant?” — Sam, Recycling. Filmed conducting the thankless task of stockpiling deceleration mass.
  • ”Life just isn’t worth living without NGF. Crusher for evar! — Protester caught blockading the Captain’s quarters. Later sentenced to three months community service for obstructing the proper duties of senior ship personnel.
  • ”If there is one thing I have learned from playing NGF this season, it's that teamwork is essential. No matter how good we are apart, we are all better when we work together. By splitting the ship in two, each population will lose parts of its history, but more importantly both populations will lose out on their future.”/ — Indium Blue, NGF star.

A whole series of programs seem to have been commissioned looking at the likely humanitarian effects of the split. References to long lost stories of strife on Old Earth when countries were split are alluded to as some of the horrors thought left behind long ago. The loss of knowledge inherent in splitting the crew is mentioned, and the difficulty in any communications, with time lags of weeks likely within just a few short years. Those who wished to continue on would live in great camps within barely functioning, or potentially outright murderous toroids, beset by reptilian monsters, with a lucky few allowed into the mysterious toroid 6 for who knows what fate?

There have been a number of notable ACTP members very publicly campaigning against the split or a landing. These include Head of Recycling Mordecai White, who made solid points about the huge risk — to Humanity as a whole — of attempting this on such a tight timescale; well respected preacher Morning White, widely acknowledged as the unofficial leader of the Friends of Computer; NGF star Indium Blue suggesting that a split could lead to significant loss of knowledge and consequent damage to Humanity as a whole — that this might in fact reduce the chance of both groups’ survival, this on top of The Crusher’s halftime appeal for all to think about the consequences of their votes for all involved — and the future of NGF itself!

Eventually the vote closes, and Captain Lyla issues a public address to all members of crew informing them that the vote has come down on the side of continuing on to the destination without splitting the ship. She thanks everyone for their input and wishes them well for the next 400 years of the journey.

Another Duke Down?

While here at TOROID! magazine, we don't normally report on events in Blackout (our journalistic integrity demands that we only report on stories where we have unimpeachable sources [Or any sources, really. -Ed.]), but this piece of news deserves reporting.

The political situation in Blackout is always under flux but it seems that absolute bedlam is about to burst forth over the next month or so. Sources within the sector suggest that one Jon Blackout, respected political leader (or in Blackout lingo, “Duke”) and probable criminal mastermind, was assassinated by members of another criminal gang this month.

Apparently his domain is now described only as “chaos”, which tallies with other reports from the sector that suggest gang riots, marshal intervention on a massive scale, and the deaths of other criminal leaders over the past few months. TOROID! magazine advises residents of Red sector to lay low and be careful in the corridors for a while, as it's not yet certain when things will die down.

Sport Report

This year… it will be Red's year. They will win the final — Evelyn Salamaris, Astrologer.

The big news is that Jenny Red, Engineering coach, has once again changed her loyalties and has gone back to being coach of Red for the final. Is she glory hunting, or is she allowing her fierce rivalry with the Crusher to colour her decisions?

In the 3rd-4th place play-off, Engineering showed no lack of drive or talent, despite the absence of their coach. This was in complete contrast to Green, who seemed to be playing to make up the numbers. The ACTP engineers on the team: Darwin, Callie, Carla and Indium all play exceptionally well, showing off their zero-G skills. Callie has brought her BattleBOBs spirit and is playing a mean game, intimidating the cleaner Green players. Darwin and Indium play a technically superb game, each scoring a brace of goals. Callie and Carla score one a piece, and Green only drag a single goal back. The final score is 6-1 to Engineering.

For the final, there are no surprises on the Harmony team sheet. However, it seems that Jenny Red isn't just coaching team Red, she's on the subs bench! The first half is a scrappy affair, with Harmony pulling goals back for every one that Red scores. The ref blows the whistle for half-time at 2 goals a piece.

Jenny Red is a half-time sub, and it seems her goal is to neutralise the Crusher. With the other Red players running interference with Crusher's team-mates, Jenny is able to get close to the Crusher. Jenny Red punches him, and proceeds to beat the living daylights out of him — without him lifting a finger to defend himself! Rather shocked, the referee eventually blows his whistle and sends Jenny Red to the sin-bin. Crusher is taken off the pitch by medics, and his final is over.

The absence of Crusher seems to fire up team Harmony, and even without his presence manage to use his training and tactics against team Red. Autumn Green and Thursday White link together for some awesome plays, and Autumn manages to score another two goals, making his hat-trick. The final score is 5-3 to Harmony!

Harmony are NGF champions!

NGF Knockout stage
Final [Turn 12] Red 35 Harmony
3rd/4th place play-off [Turn 12] Green 16 Engineering
1st Harmony
2nd Red
3rd Engineering
4th Green

The Harmony and Engineering departments, and Red sector, all enjoy a year's extra luxury rations and more computer run-time for their teams' efforts. Harmony has access to a special edition shirt and the coveted Special Flavour Sauce, an addition to the food fabbers formulated just for your department! Harmony operatives can enjoy Pink Sauce for the next year!

Forever Onwards! campaign

Following the decision to continue to the destination without splitting, Department head Amanadine de Boullion launches an ongoing campaign that seeks to ensure every body gets behind the plan.

A series of features on how we'll get through the next 400 years before we reach the destination focuses attention on what needs doing now as opposed to how it might have been. Interviews with various engineers who looked into terraforming explain how it might have been hundreds of years before the alternate destination was habitable anyway. Simulations of what the True Destination will look like when we arrive.

Fundamentally the message is to Keep calm and Carry On To The Destination.

All in all it cheers up many of the people who voted to land now, however there are definitely still substantial groups that are upset and some even point out that we could still take a long path back to the star if we wanted. All we've done is miss the short route.

Mass Alien Sightings

Alien sightings are on the rise across the ship. No longer confined to those who are either crazy or tripping balls, various sighings of shadowy figures, creatures climbing into ventilation ducts, and things crawling along in the dark in the less populated parts of the ship have exploded over the last month.

Particularly affected is Toroid 2, where in Blue sector and parts of Red sightings have become almost a common occurance, and a substantial number of people are refusing to do anything other than go to and from work or their home compartments, for fear of being attacked by alien monsters with tentacles and teeth, of the like that apparently attacked members of Engineering in Toroid 5 over the last few months.

Marriage of the Decade

TOROID! Magazine is reporting its story of the decade:
“My Daddy is marrying the Captain!” —Constance White

Inside! Mordecai's daughter speaks out on the match between her father and Captain Lyla Red.
Pages 1–5: Potential wedding locations
Page 6: Who can preside over the captain's wedding?
Pages 7–16: Lyla's best arrests
Pages 17–22: The Real Mordecai Exposed.

Blackout crisis?

Rumours are all over the ship:

  • Blackout has ceased to be open for trading.
  • The new Head of the Marshals is cleaning up Blackout and he's started with Acheron.
  • I can't get my favourite toys any more!
  • Crime rates soar as Blackout refugees flee civil war.
  • Drug addicts start to crash and burn as their supplies dry up.

Mission to Toroid 3

There are some on this ship who do not know the Truth of Computer.
They know not the Truth of this World.
It is our duty to Enlighten them.
These poor souls have been trapped on Toroid 3 for many years.
Without the Light of Computer they have regressed technologically and socially.
Help us save these poor people and bring them the Truth.

A Friends of Computer charity appeal. Collecting fabber rations to support the ongoing missionary work in Toroid 3 under the guidance of Morning Rainbow.

The Final Project

Craig Rainbow has announced that he will soon be revealing his final project, the crowning moment of his career [Be afraid. Very afraid. -Ed].

The exact nature of this project is under wraps for the moment, but those close to Craig say he is “very pleased with his progress so far” and ”[he'll] show them, [he'll] show them all”.

-from TOROID! Magazine's Arts Criticism Section

Head of Health Appointed

After the retirement of Laurence Blue last month, Computer has announced that Aiden White will assume the position as the new Head of Health. Contributing factors are thought to the the endorsement of most of the senior crew and ACTP members, as well as his sterling work in keeping members of the ACTP safe during difficult exploratory and engineering missions.

New Head of Marshals

Amandine de Boullion has announced that she has appointed Marshal Samuel Red to head up the subdivision, finally replacing old Bloodhound Salamaris, who held the position simultaneously with that of Head of Harmony. Marshal Samuel will now be responsible for helping clean up the backlog of cases that have assembled due to security issues with the Inversion and with Blackout preventing sustained investigation work.

Fans of NGF star Wheatley “The Crusher” Red are reportedly extremely disappointed that he has been passed over for the position, though rumours from Harmony suggest that the Crusher has been under investigation recently regarding some heavy-handed arrests.


The Samurai Vikings are inspired to new heights of discipline and dedication by the Warrior Monk and go to rescue Dog from the clutches of the lizards, with the help of Hephaestus Black, Alien Hunter. It is difficult, and they are forced to rely heavily on each other, helping each other to climb walls that would be too high for one person and defending each others' backs from attackers. The widowed Shieldmaiden finds herself falling in love with the tall, brooding Hephaestus, but nobly puts her feelings aside to concentrate on the task at hand. They battle their way through swathes of furious lizards to reach Dog just as the evil ceremony is reaching completion and rescue him before the crown can be placed on his head.

Hephaestus reveals that the lizard leader is actually an alien, and reminds everyone that aliens could be lurking anywhere. If you spot one, let Hephaestus Black know!


BattleBOBs returns with its usual formula of action packed BOB-on-BOB action. A new twist features Callie “The BOB-tamer” Blue in backstage interviews with the teams preparing their BOBs offering tips on how to make them harder based on her vast practical experience of real world situations.

The Master of Mayhem continues his air of mystery as he presides over the carnage. The first round he presents as a large framed man who is shouting at the biggest BOBs to “Crush the NERDs!”, while the second round features a more lithe frame who suggests more is going on behind the scenes, really getting into the BOBs’ minds. “Aha you thought you were going to get me with your circular saw, but I saw that coming, and now you’ve got it stuck in the stage. Time to use my bolt gun to finish you off. Ka-thunk. Ka-thunk.” These both seem very different to the maniacal laughter of the earlier shows.

Finally the hardest BOBs have been selected and enter the ring. It seems the final is set to be against reigning champion Callie “The BOB-tamer” Blue. If a BOB survives more than 10 minutes without being deactivated its owners are awarded a prize. Callie enters the ring carrying her trademark shield. This month’s BOBs are all left ready for recycling after only 4 minutes and 34 seconds.


  • Aggghhh! It's under my skin. Under my skin. Agggh!
  • John White was killed by Aliens.
  • Did you know there are only 2 extra forms to fill in if the suspect dies resisting arrest?
  • John White was killed by Aiden White.
  • We told you they were out there. But you never believed us, did you?
  • You idiots, you voted the wrong way!
  • John White was killed by Computer.
  • Captain and department heads: Some crew are more equal than others.
  • Engineering should be allowed to play Red for second place…
  • How can you abstain from a vote on where to spend the rest of your life? I don't know, apathetic bloody populace, I've no sympathy…
  • The lizards. I knew it was them all along!
  • Why would anyone listen to the Warden. Seriously. Stop listening to that guy.
  • Landing is still possible
  • Morning's control over the Friends is down to mind-influencing drugs
  • Why isn't anyone talking about Toroid 0?
  • I was going to call the planet “Duna”. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
  • All these sightings of aliens going on, anyone would think that someone's trying to have them found, if you know what I mean
  • How do they know they got the real Jon Blackout?
  • Wolf Drop killed Hades Black, because SV21 killed Wolf Drop.
  • I hear there's an opening in the dodgy surgeon department down in Blackout.
  • John White was killed for Being an Alien.
  • You need to wake up!
  • Those department heads that want to split don't care about anyone left behind!
turn_12.txt · Last modified: 2013/02/19 14:32 by gm_jonathan
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