News, Turn 13

Mission Progress Report

Mission Progress, 1st July 2650 00:00:00 SHIP TIME

  • Earth time 14/07/2650 08:09:19 ZULU
  • Mission time elapsed 599 years, 201 days Ship relative
  • Current Acceleration: -0.00033213 m/s2
  • Velocity: 0.0192c Earth relative
  • Fuel: 46.0%
  • All systems are operating under revised expectations.


  • Current distance components (drivewards/contra-axial): 104.6 / 132.0 AU
  • Current velocity components, star relative (drivewards/contra-axial): 5.77e+06 / 9.84e-01 m/s
  • Current acceleration components, star relative (drivewards/contra-axial): -3.32e-04 / 3.71e-07 m/s2

Note: ACTP active to faciliate execution of landing protocol. Landing protocol remains active until the point of technical infeasibility or until cancelled by the Captain.

Tragic Suicide of Aiden White

It is with great sadness that we report the untimely death of head of Health, Aiden White. He took his own life earlier this month. He is survived by his adoptive father, David, and younger sister Chloe.

Aiden spent his brief life caring for others. As an Emergency Medical Technician he often put himself into precarious situations to save other people's lives. He spearheaded a campaign to install medical stations in toroids 1 and 2, which have increased first aid response dramatically. As part of the ACTP for the inversion, he aided many missions as medic. He helped create the cure for the toroid 3 plague, and for the outbreak of illness in Blue sector. More recently, he succeeded Laurence Blue as the Head of Health department. He still found time to run his busy clinic, not wishing to be removed from the patients and medical profession he loved.

He will be much missed.

So reads the press release from Health. But it doesn't tell us just what drove such a bright young star to kill himself in an unknown fashion (security restricted by Computer – Ed.) A source from the Health department has told Toroid! that Aiden released his own medical records to the whole department before he killed himself, along with a note:

I thank you for all your support which has helped me get to where I am today. As I believe trust is important between heads and staff of any given department, I have decided to release my medical records to the rest of the department. I believe, and my personal therapist Posi Rainbow agrees, that this will help improve relations in the department.

His records show a history of depression, paranoid delusions and dissociation. Just how did Dr. Postlethwaite Rainbow not spot the signs of suicide? Aiden even took himself off some of his prescription drugs, and Posi allowed this to happen.

However, perhaps Aiden's therapist shouldn't shoulder the blame. It has recently come to light that Aiden's sister Chloe was recently kidnapped and held hostage in Blackout. She has since been released, but perhaps it was this that drove Aiden over the edge?

Or perhaps it was the recent theft of data from Aiden's office? We may never know what went through this poor man's mind at the end.

Computer Acting Strangely?

Citizens across the ship have registered complaints and queries about Computer’s behaviour recently. Apparently certain tasks are taking noticeably longer to complete, while Computer avatars and terminals have been denying a larger number requests on the basis of lack of available processing power. Others have have also mentioned that any queries regarding Toroid 5 are going unanswered, with information apparently “unavailable”. By and large this has caused minimal disruption to daily life, but the cause is a complete mystery.

Worldcraft Acting Strangely?

Players of the popular virtual reality game Worldcraft have been complaining about unprecedented game problems; apparently whole areas of the game world have mysteriously disappeared, as well as members of the usual artificial population and traditional quest areas. Other areas flicker in and out of existence or from one form to another, and apparently some usually peaceful residents have been seen fighting each other. Nobody quite knows what to make of this, or whether the cause is deliberate or symptoms of a more serious problem.

Morning Rainbow elected BFF by conclave of Superchums

The Friends of Computer have apparently decided to become more organised, forming a committee of 'Superchums' from various respected members and appointing a new leader in the form of 'BFF' Morning Rainbow. What these letters stand for is unknown, but it seems he is to be the official voice and representative of the Friends, who of course make up a substantial proportion of the ship's population. A heady position of power, this; it will be interesting to see what direction he takes from here, with the Friends exerting significantly more political power aboard ship recently [We can only pray that it doesn't involve kazoos -Ed.]

-TOROID! Magazine Politics Report

Blue Sector: Alien attack?

Well, we don’t know what’s going on in Blue Sector but it’s definitely pretty kooky down there. Reports of alien sightings have increased massively, along with riots, barricades and, according to sources in health, a general increase in mental health issues have been reported. Several residents have been publically lynched by screaming mobs accusing them of being aliens, while others have sensibly welded themselves into their quarters. Have they really been invaded by alien life-forms? Or has the pressure just proved too much for these usually boring engineering types fine and respectable citizens?

Computer has repeatedly denied that there are aliens aboard the Asimov, and has instead publicly ordered Harmony to go and do their jobs in Blue sector. How long will the boys and girls in pink and black last against screaming mobs and aliens? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Marshal Art?

With the unveiling of Craig Rainbow's self-proclaimed Masterpiece, the BOB Emperor, comes rather mixed reactions. People have declared it an abomination, sick and twisted. Others have hailed it as the dawn of a glorious new artistic era. The creator of the piece, unfortunately unable to provide comment to Toroid! (Might be to do with his current state of not-being-alive… -Ed) magazine, did provide a brief explanation before the full unveiling of the piece:

“It is a wonderful combination of man and machine, symbolising everything about this ship to its full extent! Nothing that came before or can come after this piece will provide a full appreciation of his. This is Final. It is perfection of art itself.”

The claim of 'perfection', and too the piece's finality, has been a topic of hot debate. Since the unveiling of the piece, a group of artists following in Craig's footsteps has sprung up calling themselves 'Finalists'. Their intentions aren't entirely clear, although it appears that they simply desire to emulate Craig's Final Project in their own way.

Related to this, Toroid! Magazine is informed that the individual whose brain was so clearly displayed in the “BOB Emperor” has been identified as a Marshal. Questions to Samuel Red will be sure to follow as to whether this is will become practice for all members of Law Enforcement. (As if they weren't all machines to start with -Ed)

Engineering takes 150 years to fix rogue BOB

Celebrations ran out across the BOB Herding wing of the Engineering Department this month as the legendary BOB “Gramps” has finally been caught and taken for reprogramming. This BOB has reportedly evaded Engineering's hands for over 150 years, which begs the question: What are they doing in there? Have Engineering really been trying their best? Do Engineering even have a best? Tough questions are sure to follow for Department Head Ellis Bouillon…

SLF Resurgence

The SLF, a group mired in controversy due to associations with long-time leader Anarr White Sector Overflow, has again been on the rise. Indium Blue, BOB herder and ACTP member, has apparently reenergised the society and its demands for the liberation of sentient life everywhere.

The ultimate aims and goals of the group are still unknown, but they have remained resolutely peaceful despite becoming more vocal in their opposition to acts that would damage Computer or other sentient life.

Lizard Rescue/Lizard Hospital

Lizard hospital this month is preceded by a one-off show “Lizard Rescue”. Described as a fly-on-the-wall documentary chronicling a day in the life of recycling agents, the contents are somewhat unexpected. It starts off with close in shots showing a pair of black clad figures kitting up with a wide assortment of personal weaponry. In the background music plays. Over the top is a running commentary: “At 1900 hours we’re raiding an illegal gathering of hoarders.” By this stage the pair have slid home into waiting sheaths no fewer than 6 knives and a katana. “We’re going into Blackout so bring everything you might need”. Two stun pistols each. “We will be operating without marshal backup.” Something that looks like a repeating stun rifle. “Be prepared for anything.” Secateurs, hedge trimmers and assorted other items slide home. “And don’t forget. We can kill only in self defense.” The shot zooms out to show the two figures are Piers Red and Pine Green. They appear to be wearing some form of strange getup involving pointed disks on the back of their boots and strange hats (cowboy hats!). Piers appears to be clutching a rubber duck of some description for reasons unknown. The shot freezes and text slides on “Piers Red. Pine Green. Recycling Special Forces. Likes: Killing age criminals.” The shot then zooms out further to show a spotty faced youth dressed in far too much body armour and holding an enforcer’s batton. Another freeze shot and the words “Alvin White. The Intern. Likes: Not dying.”

The shot changes to show the hustle and bustle of an illegal lizard fighting arena. “Our mission specialist will infiltrate the gathering and ensure the targets are present before sending a go signal.” A freeze frame highlights a nondescript figure in a hood and more text slides on screen “Posi Rainbow. Mission specialists. Likes: Lizards.” The nodescript figure presses a button and suddenly all the compartment doors bar one suddenly flash red indicating they’re locked down. All except for one, through which walk Pine and Piers chewing on what look like bits of tree sticking out their mouths. The whole effect is ruined by the intern. “This is a recycling raid. Stick’em up you hoarding scum.” spits out Piers. There is a moment of incredulous silence before the screaming begins.

The door they entered through seals behind them. The narrator speaks up again “10 seconds later the exits will be sealed and the special forces team will enter and subdue any resistance.” At this stage the music becomes considerably louder as violence occurs. The first man who pulls a gun is killed outright by a flying rubber duck, which by the looks of things could have been filled with iridium.

Within a couple of minutes, during which Piers and Pine have to rescue Alvin a number of times, half the room is dead, dying or severely injured and the rest are cowering in fear. The shot then cuts to Posi rescuing the poorly treated lizards from their tiny cages and poor living conditions. He has to separate the two currently fighting by actually getting into the pit and physically separating them.

The show ends with a stark white on black message that reads “Hoarding is a crime. We will find you. It’s not a case of IF but WHEN.” A whistling sound plays and then a sword splits the screen in two. Credits scroll.

Lizard hospital then starts. It has a heart warming tale where Posi nurses the rescued lizards back to health. He has to overcome their bred in aggression against other lizards. Over a number of weeks Posi gently helps them with affliction, until at the end of the program he shows all the lizards are one big happy family with him in the middle. Also featured is a follow up visit with K-Dude, The Crusher’s lizard. He seems to be recovering well.

End of the Rainbow

Famous artist, BOB-botherer, sector head and all-round spectacular public figure Craig Rainbow has apparently finally bitten the dust. Found in Toroid 5, lacking limbs but still doing his best to be artistic (presumably designing dresses for giant lizards?), we are informed Captain Lyla nobly ordered him put out of his misery.

During the following month Computer will be inviting applications for the position of Head of Rainbow, but in the mean time SV21 and Whitesiders writer Nikki Rainbow has been appointed as Acting Head, so congratulations there. How long before the entire Sector is one big complicated romance plot, we wonder? (You mean it isn’t already? –Ed)


A heart-warming episode of SV21 this month with lots of amusing or tender character moments between the various Vikings and entourage, but the plot doesn’t seem to advance much, even by SV21 standards. Still, we can’t expect excellence every episode!

BattleBobs this month was a selection of highlights from previous episodes - though as it's only a few months old, there isn't a huge amount of material and it's still fresh in fans' memories. What exactly has been going on in Harmony this month?

NGF hall of fame for Crusher (again)

Wheatley 'the Crusher' Red has been honoured this month with NGF Player of the Year, marking the 4th time he has been awarded the coveted prize. He also takes home the medal for Coach of the Year, which he has won on his coaching debut. Not bad going for someone who pulled Harmony from the very bottom of the league to become the Champions! It remains to be seen whether he will stick with Harmony or return to Red for the next season, but either way fans are sure to see the legendary NGF player performing spectacularly again next season.

ACTP Lovebirds

It seems the ACTP is a hotbed of romance; more of a dating service than anything to do with inversion, landing or the like. Not only have Mordecai and Captain Lyla been seeing each other, though alas apparently rumours of marriage are unfounded as of yet, but Head of Engineering Ellis de Bouillon and navigator Varian White have also just got a place together in Green! Their new neighbours needn't worry, though, as Ellis will undoubtedly be able to exercise his engineering expertise to stop those bedsprings squeaking too loudly.

Who will be next? Posi and a non-lizard? Will someone glimpse beneath Morning's mask? Will Piers finally find someone he likes enough to not brutally murder? Dashing alien-hunter Hephaestus Black checking someone's humanity really, really thoroughly? Frankly, after Mordecai and Lyla anything is possible!

Age Law canvassing

Nemo Blue, of Recycling, has been canvassing the population for their opinions on the current recycling age. He has been asking whether tighter birth control is the way forward for population control, allowing the loosening of the 65-year limit. Toroid! looks forward to his results! (So says the 60-year-old -Ed.)


  • The ship's gone mad, and it all just seems so pointless.
  • We lost the war, and escaped on the Asimov. But the traitorous Dynasty Families came with us.
  • Computer is dying. It needs our help.
  • Poetry competition: Mordecai and Lyla, sitting in a tree, _ _ _ _ I N G …?
  • An abominable clockwork effigy of Hades Black is terrorising Blackout!
  • Jenny Red drugged and seduced the Crusher!
  • Things are disappearing from Worldcraft.
  • It was all Posi's fault. He killed Aiden, the bastard.
  • Craig Rainbow is quite partial to a bit of delicious brain.
  • I've had it with the Friends of Computer, their time is over.
  • Calm down, Blackout. Now's not the time for fear. That comes… later.
  • Apparently senior ACTP members get paperweights made out of iridium.
  • Why would anyone do that in a tree? It just sounds uncomfortable.
  • We're so close to ending this elderly revolution forever…
  • He's not the Duke we deserve. But he's the Duke we need.
  • Hephaestus Black?! I heard he was dead!
turn_13.txt · Last modified: 2013/02/26 15:44 by gm_rosie
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