Mission Progress, 1st August 2649 00:00:00 SHIP TIME

• Earth time 14/08/2649 06:40:14 ZULU
• Mission time elapsed 598 years, 233 days Ship relative
• Current Acceleration: 0.00033183 m/s²
• Velocity: 0.0192c Earth relative
• Fuel: 46.1%
• All systems operating within revised expectations.

NEXT CRITICAL MISSION WINDOW APPROACHING

Delta Vee Inversion Window begins in 3 months and lasts for 12 weeks.
Failure to perform thrust flip in this time frame will have severe repercussions.

Taken from an article in TOROID! Magazine:

The enterprising engineers Ellis de Boullion and Victor White have found an error in the program that prepares mission progress reports! It seems the original programmer got mixed up between meters and kilometers while writing the acceleration readout. Computer has fixed it now of course.

The really interesting question is why the Department of Engineering found the error before the Department of Navigation? Have the navigators known all along and just not told anybody, or are they just incompetent? (I'd put money someone did it deliberately. -Ed)

Nearly 200 people were killed in White Sector this month in a shocking act of sabotage by an as-yet-unknown perpetrator. One of the fans in the ventilation system was refitted backwards, reducing the oxygen proportions in the air mix in a small area of the sector and causing mass asphyxiation. White sector has never seen a tragedy this great within living memory, and there is widespread mourning around the ship as people pay tribute to friends, relatives, and loved ones who died.

Only the quick actions of White Sector resident Xanto saved the disaster from being much, much worse, as he raced to the scene and turned the fan off, thus reducing the damage and activating the alert. He was found unconscious by engineers investigating the alarm, as the population evacuated into nearby sectors. Thanks is also owed to John White, whose cybernetic implants allowed him to notice the decreasing oxygen levels before the alarms were sounded, and convinced nearby residents to begin evacuating, saving precious moments which almost certainly saved lives.

So yeah, we had a leak in our compartment and reported it. Nothing turned up. Now a whole pipe's threatened. WTF? Why aren't the BOBs coming? -Leslie White

Are they all broken down? If they are, why aren't the BOBherders doing anything? Falling down on the job! –Letitia Gray

So they can spare the time to have our BOBs on the vidscreen in that Samurai Vikings thing, but they can't let the BOBs do what they're supposed to? Who's this “Callie Blue” in the credits? -Disgruntled of White

Things are really piling up in Toroid 1. It seems BOB patterns have been interrupted, with many basic tasks going undone, despite several BOBherders parading through the Toroid in the past month. All march, no action? WHO HERDS THE BOBHERDERS?

The ship is full of rumours about the mysterious caped figure shown in a cutscene of Samurai Vikings. Apparently this individual has been handing out food to the poorer residents of Blackout and speaking out about the tyranny of the Computer! While of course the idea of the Computer being tyrannical is nonsense, apparently several Blackout residents have been heard giving vocal support for the masked stranger, labelling them a hero standing up for those oppressed. Miranda Black, age 64, was singing their praises for chasing down a villain who had stolen her teeth and returning the missing items unharmed. Virtuous paragon or villainous rebel; nobody seems to know for sure!

A fan who had her chest autographed by NGF star Chad Green has turned it into a tattoo, sparking a craze for Chad tattoos across the sector. Support your team best! Wear them on your body! “Rainbow You,” a parlour in the colourful district, is reporting a 150% increase in custom. How long will it be before we see Jan Viteri or Wes Viteri accessories?

Martha Grey-Green, a notable and respected Stanford Theorist, jumped off the top of the White Sector skyscraper last Wednesday. This news came as a blow to the Stanford Theorists, and a shock to her close friends, one of whom commented “she'd been acting very odd lately, cutting herself off from the rest of the world, but I just can't understand why she'd do this”. Bystanders on the rooftop saw her running full pelt towards the edge - certainly an unusual method for an innocent suicide. Questions have been asked to what exactly went on here, and whether foul play is involved.

The young of the ship seem to have got it into their heads to search the entirety of Toroids one and two for airlocks leading to the outside of the Asimov, clearly in an attempt to help ACTP members with the vital work of flipping the ship. This has led to more than one nearly unpleasant accident in the low-grav areas as they explore places not meant for human occupation, least of all children. Apparently they have not uncovered a single one, though three pet lizards have been spaced into the core after a young man from Green Sector managed to overcome the safety controls, apparently in order to discover ‘if they do the cool exploding thing like on SV21’. He has been listed for early recycling. Another little girl was almost sucked out due to children playing with airlocks, and only the heroic quick actions of nearby Samurai Viking star Hades Black saved her from an early death. Her mother, a prominent White Sector health official, publically expressed her gratitude to the man.

Computer would like to remind all citizens that inter-toroidal travel must be authorised by Computer. Unauthorised transfers imperil the mission and may lead to death and/or loss of resources from the ship.

• Toroid 3 is off limits. Entrance is restricted, and transitioning matter will be interdicted.
• Toroid 4 is off limits. Mass transfer limitations are in force.
• Toroid 5 is off limits. Radiation exceeds safe limits, safety limiters are in force.
• The core is a hazard zone and airlocks are provided for maintenance access only. Disposal of unwanted pets or any other matter through such airlocks leading to loss of mass from the ship is punishable by premature recycling.
• Performing unauthorised modifications to airlocks represents a significant danger to the ship. Ensure all such maintenance is authorised and supervised by Computer.

Computer reminds all citizens that the permanent removal of resources of any kind from the ship will not be tolerated.

ACTP members Aiden White and Pit Blue continue their sterling work in improving the health of the crew, distributing more of the dispensaries that were trialled in Blue last month. Now there are units in most every sector, with the improved functionality of using an intercom to be able to consult with a Health Department employee while using the station, which means that fewer user errors will occur.

Pit Blue is so dedicated he's seen regularly doing the rounds, filling the health desks back up and doing preventive maintenance. What a guy!

So, it looks like the small-time bunch of crackpot loonies in the SLF (Careful now… -Ed) have finally hit the big time! Or at least, their meetings are bigger anyway. Anarr White Sector Overflow held what is purported to be the group's largest meeting yet, with respected luminaries such as famed crackpot loony Hollis Salamaris (I said, careful now. -Ed) amongst others.

Sources for TOROID! magazine have told us that even Computer itself was there! Quite what Computer must make of all of this, I don't know. Anyway, as movements go, these guys are the ones to watch right now. With the apparent backing of Computer and a bunch of ACTP members getting involved, we're all waiting anxiously on the edge of our seats to hear what happens next (Look, you're really going to have to stop doing this. Some of them might be reading. -Ed).

Excerpt from Talk NGF, a sports radio show:

Hey listeners, we're just getting a breaking story here. It seems that Team Harmony has slipped the reporters today for some “special training”, apparently against live targets fighting for their very lives! Our sources also tell us that Team Recycling are off for something very similar. Has The Crusher finally gotten an all out bloodbath match somewhere he hasn't told the refs about. Well, we'll have to wait and see if any of Team Recycling are alive for their next game won't we!

[Several hours later]

Well, reports are coming in that Recycling and Harmony both survived whatever that special training was, though it looks like they've been in some sort of fight. I wish we could have been there to see that!

A scathing new report from journalists Hollis Salamaris (creator of last month's excellent Biological Reprocessing report) and Amandine Bouillon (creator of the equally excellent and awe-inspiring Ship Life documentary) has blown open the corruption at the heart of high level NGF. In a sixty-minute special, no stone is left unturned whilst, with assistance from Chad Green, the two detail the process and extent of match fixing and cheating in both Red and Green teams, look at the disturbing and secretive history of Wheatley “The Crusher” Red, and examine the possibility that the whole league is being rigged by puppeteers yet unknown.

Whilst neither of the two rival teams comes off well, Chad Green's honesty and integrity in assisting a documentary that implicates his team-mates is to be praised. Red team should be thankful for getting rid of the Crusher when they did, lest they find themselves with even more questions to answer about his seemingly purposeful and targeted violence against opponents.

The documentary has itself avoided much criticism due to its stellar production and neutral perspective, but the revelations therein have enraged fans of all teams, who are demanding a further, official investigation into the matter by Harmony.

The NGF league will be fighting against controversy in the coming weeks, but the appointment of new referee Lyla Red will hopefully stop the rot. It's expected that she'll be taking no nonsense from players, fans or coaches. Red and Green have made strong starts to the season, with Engineering, Recycling and Harmony all getting 3 points in this first month. It's early days yet to be looking at the league positions, but we can be almost certain it will be a lot more difficult to predict than in earlier seasons. Will the astrologers still manage it?

Health versus Engineering would normally be a low-key start to the season, but Engineering have recently gained coach Jenny Red. New player Darwin Blue has made some adjustments to the standard kit in the form of new boots. The rulebook doesn't expressly forbid them, but we'll have to see how the referees react. Engineering seem to be working the surface game hard, showing their new footwear to be giving them more control on the surfaces, making their moves look easy and occasionally daring some tricks only usually seen by the top players. The game was tied one all at half-time, but Engineering were looking the stronger side.

Darwin Blue has launched himself towards the goal, it looks like he's lining up for a score. The Health defenders are moving in, the first gets deflected by an Engineering blocker but the second looks set to connect with the striker. But no! A collision happened but Darwin managed to use the defender as a mass to change his direction. He's looking good and it's in! Engineering has taken the lead over Health!

The match finished 3-1 to Engineering, with the side looking like one to watch out for in the coming season.

Two sides, two completely different styles. It's Green versus Harmony; Coach Chad versus Coach Crusher; Beauty versus the Beast you might even say — at least in terms of tactics. Chad Green started on the bench for Green, still nursing a leg injury. Harmony dominated the opening stages of the game, Green unwilling to engage the Harmony forwards. New signing Eric 'Buzzcut' Blue and the Crusher seemed almost unstoppable as they juggernauted through the Green defence, scoring two goals in quick succession. Green soon pulled one back with a wonderful team effort — Holmes looked certain to score a Harmony goal when Wes 'Nipper' Viteri stole the ball from him and Green scored quickly on the break. Green are utilizing the zero-G space a lot better than Harmony, but it not enough to make it more than 2-1 to Harmony at half time.

Harmony scored again soon into the second half; Berry Green cannonballed through a tight Green defence and dead centre into the goal. She was slightly dazed but celebrated her first Harmony goal. Green pulled another back to make it 3-2. Wheatley 'Crusher' Red let his high spirits get the better of him in the 63rd minute by throwing Pat Green into the wall and bouncing him around. Crusher earned a full five minutes in the sin-bin for this, as new Referee Lyla Red is not taking any nonsense. There was a substitution, overdue for some, for the Green side with 15 minutes left — Chad Green came on for the worse for wear Pat. Still protecting his leg, he kept out of the way of the Harmony tackles but managed to create a chance for Nipper Viteri to score, and in the last few minutes of the game almost recreated last season's final — except this time he managed to get the ball into the goal, and the close-fought game ended 4-3 to Green.

Ohmigod, did you see this episode? So Holly is getting Chad into this secret underground group that are all dodgy and political, and he seems to be really getting into it. And meanwhile Mel, right, she goes to set up this elaborate trap to humiliate her boyfriend Derek cos he lied about Colleen, only Esme is still pissy about what Derek did to her mum in that episode last season, the one when the lizard laid eggs in the carpet roll and they almost squished them, so Esme is *also* out for revenge on him, and they both lay these traps only then everything goes horribly wrong and he gets all exploded with lazers and there's blood everywhere and he *dies*. And they both think it was them that did it because they don't know the other one was there and both feel all guilty! I heard Mel never recovers! How cool is that?

Angelo Viteri has done it again! The first episode of Samura Vikings of the 21st Century is potentially even more impressive than the pilot, though some parents have expressed dismay at Ragnhild Black's rather impressive special effects used to represent the Robo-Commander, as well as the exploding eyeballs and rather mature romance plot. The credits list a Dr de Aglaia as being the creator of the substantially cybernetically enhanced putrified monstrosity, and some wonder whether the elegant, sinister growl was in fact the creature's own voice. The Robo-Commander and his army of Ancient Battle Bots in their Ancient Technology Temple prove a challenging foe even to the mighty Samurai Vikings, and Ronald's bold sacrifice in the dramatic airlocking scene will be the talk of the ship for some time. Letters from fans have already been received, begging to know whether his estranged wife will know what happened and whether she still loved him. Clearly Whitesiders star writer Nikki Rainbow still has what it takes! On the subject of love, the tender shower scene between Chad Green and Hades Black has left many begging to know when the two will get together - and no few wondering whether there might be something between the two in real life? The only bit of the episode which nobody seems to understand is a cut directly after the airlocking, where we seem to see a masked, cloaked figure giving out food to people in Blackout with a speech about people oppressed by the computer rising when the time is right. Whether this was seeding further plot for Samurai Vikings or a propoganda attack by anti-Computer rebels, nobody is entirely sure, but it certainly bore little resemblance to the rest of the program, such as Chad’s dream sequence (“The lizards are not what they seem”, apparently), or the foully exploding Robo-Commander.

A new craze has risen among vid fans to rival that of Samurai Vikings. The new film “Hades must Die” features Hades as an evil hacker set on replacing Computer with himself. He does so by spreading his “corruption” into Computer, turning it against its loyal followers.

Following the attack on the Friends of Computer in White Sector by a mysterious hacker interfering with their ventilation systems, the remaining Friends of Computer band together in an all out attack on the hacker's holdfast of Blackout. The lead character is a female friend dressed in a black catsuit with a pair of pistols who fights her way through a never ending bloodbath to reach a final showdown against Hades himself. In the final moments of the film she follows the instructions of the True Computer to maneuver Hades on to the edge of a bob pit into which she kicks him, with the credits rolling over spurts of blood erupting over the top of the pit as Computer reestablishes itself across the ship now the evil hackers have been excised.

There is controversy over a “Making of” feature that was filmed at the same time as the feature itself, revealing Hades to in fact be full of hot air, and in reality a simpering wimp as soon as he is challenged. It seems only a small proportion of viewers noticed the preliminary caution that some characters and events are portrayed by actors, and the complete lack of Hades' name appearing, only listing his “Stunt Double” Jake Rainbow. Other notable ACTP members involved in the production are Mary (scriptwriter), Morning Rainbow (as Hades' incompetent sidekick) and Amandine de Boullion (camera operator and distributor), who apparently stormed out and refused to be involved in the 'making of'. Creative differences have been blamed.

Further controversy arises in the ridiculing of the Stanford Conspiracists by their lampooning using Hades' incompetent sidekick belief and dedication to the wackiest of their theories.

In the wake of the hit Friend recruitment has risen significantly with converts wanting to emulate their on screen heroes in the fight against evil hackers.

A segment taken from a Rainbow sector news feed:

Several young Viteri have been arrested by the forces of Harmony for breach of the Peace. They have been engaging in repeated and disruptive brawls with members of the Salamaris dynasty, of whom a small number have also been brought up on charges.

It is not clear at this time why there is a significant disparity between the number arrested on each side, but the pattern of behaviour by these youths appears to have been disrupted and order has been restored.

• Just say no to airlock-jumping.
• Armour for lizards is the greatest waste of resources in Ship's history
• If people don't start taking better care of their algae, they're going to die.
• I heard Callie Blue is the only BoB herder you can really rely on.
• Inversion is a lie
• Toroid 4's the place to be.
• Dear BOBs, please stop breaking people, it's bad for morale. Sincerely, the rest of the ship.
• Duke Victoria Grey only keeps hassling Hades Black so bad because she's jealous of Chad.
• The hackers are behind the life support failure in White.
• Every player on White's NGF team has placed a large bet that the team will finish exactly 5th.
• I heard Samurai Vikings merchandise is in production! I can't wait to get my own MegaHorn ™ Kabuto!
• The SLF wants to free the computer, but who will free us?
• Somebody's trying to off the Salamaris one by one.
• More corpses in blackout again. What's going on there?
• It all makes sense once you start to doubt everything.
• There's a food shortage in Green!
• Sentient Liberation? What about the rest of us?
• Don't listen to the voices, or at least check with Computer first.
• The Friends of Computer must fight The Corruption when the inversion point approaches
• Aiden White has been cutting open dead bodies.
• ArE We sAFE? iS THIS sHIP tRULY OURS?
• Graffiti: ↔ X X X REPENT X X
• The Enforcement Reserves are now recruiting! Join Today, and work for Fame, Fortune and Glory!
• Chad Green is thinking of defecting to Red Sector.
• Put an end to oppression! Free Computer!
• I wish they had Samurai Vikings in Worldcraft!
• Following the latest SV21, recycling have finally clued in to the cause of the cybernetics shortage.
• We're all just cogs in the machine.
• I heard Craig Rainbow finds lizards delicious in more ways than one
• BOB herding is such a cool job. Don't you want to find out more about it?
• Take your vitamins, meatsack!
• Ferris Red's shunned his Stanford association. Good for him!
• Recycling provides free delicious cake for all visitors at the end of their visit. This is especially true for older ship members.
• Heard in Red sector: Does this yellow protein slop look a little orange to you?
• Nick's going crazy, he's hunting monsters that aren't there.
• They're already working on a sequel “Hades must Die 2” — we never saw Hades actually die, so he can still come back!
• One of the leads dies for real at the end of Samurai Vikings!
• When the flip happens, time will start flowing backward
• Take your vitamins' meatsack!