Mission Progress, 1st September 2649 00:00:00 SHIP TIME

• Earth time 14/09/2649 06:48:30 ZULU
• Mission time elapsed 598 years, 264 days Ship relative
• Current Acceleration: 0.00033181 m/s²
• Velocity: 0.0192c Earth relative
• Fuel: 46.1%
• The following systems are not operating under revised expectations:
  • Inter toroidal transport system

NEXT CRITICAL MISSION WINDOW APPROACHING

Delta Vee Inversion Window begins in 2 months and lasts for 12 weeks.
Failure to perform thrust flip in this time frame will have severe repercussions.

Attention all crew. A full test of all inversion critical systems will take place at the end of the month and immediately prior to the next ACTP meeting. Please ensure that all systems are in full working order by then.

This will be a live test except on systems that may potentially change the orientation of the ship.

OOC: While you will receive the normal 3 actions this turnsheet, a maximum of one may be specified as taking place *during* the test — multiple preparatory actions, or ignoring it entirely, will be fine.

The Engineer Xanto has been recycled by order of Computer. Last month he connected a critical life support fan the wrong way round, resulting in the death of over 200 White sector residents. Given that he stopped the fan at some risk to himself, and admitted his error, he was permitted time to put his affairs in order and say goodbye to his loved ones before a painless death by lethal injection and recycling.

Xanto was a committed member of the ACTP and an enthusiastic engineer. He will be greatly missed, but his atoms will live on.

Mass riots in green sector are the talk of the ship. Apparently a heavy handed recycling crew went in to destroy an illegal wheat crop they were all in on. Order was only restored when Jenny Green managed to negotiate one last harvest. Apparently the medics were patching people up for most of the next 24 hours.

TOROID! reports on a new documentary [?-ed.] Did you know the Marshals have it all summed up that if you don't answer their questions (even if you don't know the answer), you're “obstructing an investigation”; if you answer and are wrong, you can be brought up on charges, and if you tell the truth and reveal you knew something about whatever they're asking about, they'll have you up for “aiding and abetting”? There is nothing you can do in any given situation where they can't get you for something! [Who's responsible for this mess? -Ed. [That wasn't me–I'm a law-abiding citizen -Ed.]]

The documentary also reveals, in its main character, Valens, that they have no appreciation for any projects that take up resources that are otherwise waste. Valens dismantles some of the most popular artworks on the ship, proving that the only thing important to him is protocol, protocol, protocol. [One wonders what would happen if he realised that he's actually made of recycled material. Would he try to return it to its original owner? -Ed.]

Wheatley “the Crusher” Red was spotted paying court to 17-year-old Celia Red this month, showering her with gifts and praise in front of an increasing number of her friends. Is this romance responsible for the turnaround in the gruff Crusher's attitude towards lizards (see below) and life in general, and his devotion to the concepts of—dare we say it—Harmony?

Panic has enveloped the ship following news that the inter-toroidal carriage system has malfunctioned. This has trapped several residents away from their home sectors on engineering and other such missions.

Rumours as to the cause abound, prominent ones include:

• Computer is throwing a hissy fit to protest the large number of unauthorised, illegal and dangerous missions conducted by some crewmembers to the core and forbidden toroids.
• Someone has sabotaged the system to try and stop the inversion.
• Someone has stolen some critical components due to all shortages caused by the inversion.
• A carriage has hit a large blockage in the core and completely destroyed something vital.
• The experimenters want to see how we all react when a vital mechanism is taken away.

Producer Amandine de Bouillon has done it again with another amazing documentary. And the BOB-herders don't look too bad either.

This time it focuses on BOB-herding and the recent sudden shortage in White sector. It features footage from soon after the shortage was noticed with residents exclaiming they never knew how much they depended on the oft-forgotten BOBs until they disappeared, and then footage from later in the month after the hard working team, featuring Mitty, Callie, Indium and Ferrous prominently, has managed to restore their numbers and everything is working great again.

There is also somewhat grainy footage of a grande BOB rescue from the core, where a BOB has been so badly irradiated it ceased to function. From behind a great metallic shield Callie and Mitty risk their lives to recover the stranded machine before it ends up drifting into the path of a drive exhaust and losing mass from the ship altogether! They have an ingenious device that appears to be some form of line that is able to grab the poor BOB from a safe distance. Apparently it will spend the next few years of its life working in remote parts of the ship while the radiation decays to safe levels before being allowed back into inhabited areas.

The piece closes with Mei Mei showing potential future BOB herders at work in her youth outreach programme.

Hades Must Die 2 is the new feature film from Friend Mary. Hades Black (played by Hades Black) returns in this sequel, proving the adage of nobody's dead unless you see the body. Hades 2 is a gore-filled blood-splatter-fest with Hades and his new sidekick Masked Blackout, AKA the Crusher (played by Wheatley Red). The director, Friend Mary, leaves no room for doubt about the malevolence of the two antagonists, although the protagonist, played by Craig Rainbow, is blind to this and hopes for their redemption. This hope is dashed after some gory scenes involving the Crusher and his NGF team hunting down people in Blackout, killing them and then serving up their bodies in a stew. The film has a predictable but feel-good ending where the good guys triumph over the nefarious Hades and Masked Blackout.

There is, predictably, another 'making of' documentary, that again portrays Hades as being a pussy who can't back up his big talk.
(I'm predicting that Hades and The Crusher are going to double team these NERDS for all this slander sometime soon!–Ed.)

(Toroid! takes no responsibility for over-drinking. Drink responsibly, nerds! — Ed.)

• Drink every time the Crusher says NERDS!
• Drink every time the Crusher slam-dunks an opponent.
• Two drinks every time the Crusher pumps his fist.
• Two drinks every time Crusher calls a team-mate “my MAN.”
• Three drinks every time the Crusher has to change his shirt.
• Send us your suggestions! — Ed.

The latest Samurai Vikings episode stars the mighty Crusher as the head of another samurai viking tribe. As Hades and Chad try to negotiate a treaty, there are flashbacks to how they united their own tribes, including enraged minion tries to attack, there is a slapstick scene of him flailing at his leader and Hades tripping him and stepping out of his way without even seeming to try, eventually giving up and agreeing that Hades and Chad are stronger and wiser. Hades begins to grow increasingly fascinated with the Crusher, though his attention is ignored by the warlord, and Dog, played by Posi, is kidnapped by an army of lizards. Some new merchandising is launched with the new episode with the advert; Fan of Samurai Vikings? Why not fab your own? Chad and Hades bobbleheads! Posters of all the stars in dramatic poses! Tshirts with armoured lizards on! Available for only a small fabtime surcharge! Get yours now!

These appear to be extremely popular and quite a few luxury fabber allotments are spent on them. A new novelisation of the first episode has also been released, published by Nikki Rainbow.

This episode was a more subtle departure from the usal high drama of Whitesiders, with less focus on the relationship triangle between Chad, Colleen and Holly and more on the genuine mourning and shock of their friends and neighbours, all of whom have lost loved ones in the recent tragedy. There is also a lighter note, however, as Mel becomes a Worldcraft addict and begins writing Samurai Vikings slashfic to distract herself from the horrors of her everyday life.

Pinup girl Mei Mei White is using her face and her fame to launch a fitness program for the younger generation, who might otherwise sit listless in their creches playing Worldcraft. The highly personable Mei Mei has gone around to many creches putting in personal appearances and creating a new routine for every age group.

Speaking of Mei Mei, she appears to have gotten our BOBs back–sat least some of them. Apparently another BOBherder, Indium Blue, has loaned some BOBs to White Sector until their others are discovered.

Isn't is great that the BOBherders are, in the main, so civically-minded? Although one hears Callie Blue has been convicted of many crimes….

Engineering and Recycling are closely matched on paper. They finished within one point of each other last season. However, new coach Jenny Red has been making some changes in the Engineering team. Debutant Anarr White Sector Overflow, sporting an SLF badge on his arm, is set to make an impact on the game, and the modified boots of the Engineering side have not been banned by the referees.

Engineering certainly showed more finesse than Recycling; Jenny Red has obviously brought her style to the plays, showing she can coach a team based on finesse rather than physicality. New guy Anarr and relatively old-hand Darwin Blue played a flexible game, linking well together and creating the opportunities for three goals — Darwin scoring one of them himself. Piers Red came on for Recycling towards the end of the match, but his attempts to break the Engineering formations were to no avail. It finished Engineering three, Recycling nil.

Two of NGFs most infamous players are against each other tonight. For Harmony, we have Wheatley 'the Crusher' Red, and for Blue we have Thursday Blue, notorious for her physical challenges. This game promises to have a score line for goals, and one for injuries. Will referee Lyla Red's no nonsense attitude keep the lid on it?

Harmony pick up a quick goal as Crusher takes the ball and smashes straight through the Blue defence. He continued to smash through the Blue team, but without the ball. He took out 3 players with cybernetics and highlighted the need for training as well as augments. Lyla Red eventually had enough and sin-binned the Crusher for 5 minutes. Blue took the opportunity to pull a goal back. With Crusher back on the pitch, Berry Green took advantage of Buzzcut and Crusher's shield to turtle the ball into the goal. Halftime score: 2-1 to Harmony.

Thursday Blue, quiet in the first half, nullified any other chances Berry Green might have. She waited for Crusher to be distracted by beating up a tricked-out Blue player and took out Berry Green by brutally slamming her into the wall. Berry was substituted off and is expected to be out for 4-6 weeks with a hamstring injury. As this move led to a goal, Lyla Red did not call a foul and Thursday Blue was left on the pitch. This didn't last long, as a violent tackle that took Buzzcut out was too much for Lyla to ignore and Thursday spent 5 minutes in the sin-bin. In a not-too-pretty, but very effective play, Crusher dismantled the Blue defence to score a third for Harmony. Final score: Harmony three, Blue two.

Another documentary on NGF is released by Amandine de Bouillon this month. It doesn't seem to be up to her usual artistic standards. It is entirely on the theme of how the Crusher is not as bad as portrayed in the previous documentary, with hidden depths and softness. Special focus on his affection for his lizard, 'K-dude', and how he has been encouraging him to do lizard exercises and feeding him a special diet, to become the best lizard he can be. Apparently the Crusher has crafted a special basketwoven little house for him. There is also a section on the thorough care and attention he has paid to the training of the Harmony team, including diet and a range of training exercises.

• Been having odd dreams? Especially around 3 months ago? Talk to Posi!
• The cameras the cameras! The light of the computer will soon be on blackout!! Repent sinners/hackers/Hades Blacks!!!
• It must be embarrassing for Jenny Green for such blatant hoarding to have happened in her sector. How could the Head of Recycling have overlooked such a crime?
• Radiation sickness is contagious.
• The amnesiacs were *actually* born yesterday.
• Violence? You aint seen nothing yet.
• The Computer is trying to kill the navigators.
• graffiti, seemingly everywhere: REPENT!!
• “Repent”? What if I don't want to?
• Lots of the ACTP members went to Toroid 3 and are dying of the plague. We're all doomed!
• In the Biological Reprocessing plants, no-one can hear you scream.
• …more like nobody cares if you scream.
• …or rather they'd prefer it if you screamed some more.
• Everybody's dead, Chad.
• Graffiti: REMEMBER EVA
• Lost your memory? Can't remember anything more than 3-12 months ago? Talk to Posi!
• Craig Rainbow is becoming a BOB Herder!
• Martha's death was no suicide - or accident.
• Hades Black ratted out his own gang to the Marshals. Four of his men died, six have been arrested.
• Lizard NGF should totally be a thing!
• The ACTP is stranded in Toroid 3.
• Mapping the damn bacteria, I can't take it any more!
• Have you seen my new Samurai Vikings bobbleheads? Their gazes are as loving as they are wobbly!
• FORGET ABOUT THE DAMN SEEDS!
• Apparently the carriage was delayed due to BOBs on the line.
• Are the creatures hallucinations…or just invisible to everyone else?
• There are no airlocks. Rumours about them were started by Health to get kids to exercise trying to find them.
• Going to the Core gives you NGF superpowers!
• I hear that the Marshals got a couple of cameras working in blackout and they're using them too bust criminals there
• Mordecai studied at Stanford
• Who maps the mappers?
• Chad Green ends up with the Crusher at the end of SV21
• It is all her fault
• Samurai Vikings are stealing BOBs for their show.
• When the Flip comes, we'll have to get used to walking on the ceiling.
• fOREVER ADRIFT iN THE NIght, tOGEThER YeT SOLEmNLY ALONE